Libertarian Jackass

"Life is short, but truth works far and lives long; let us speak truth." -- Schopenhauer

Friday, April 22, 2005


You can find LJ siding with the leftists on their anti-big business and anti-corporatism rants. I hate big corporations. Of course, I also think big corporations are a direct result of big government.

UK phone cards India phone cards Calling Cards

Anyway, I can't stand T-Mobile. As many of you know, I use the Blackberry 7100T. The phone itself is dazzling in terms of functionality. However, functionality means very little when the service can't keep up. I have no idea how or why I'm still running on service from such a horrible company. Why does anyone use T-Mobile? It's not just that the service sucks miserably, it's that the representatives do very little to make up for the situation. Since I got the new 7100t last fall, I've probably been on the phone 10 or 12 times with customer service reps or tech support people (I'm pretty sure the tech guys are based in India). They always act like they are doing me a huge favor buy letting me use their service. One day I think I'm going to snap. The most recent call went like this:

Customer Service: How are you today, Mr. LJ?
LJ: Not doing too well. I actually had to call you from a VERIZON wireless phone because, shockingly, my T-Mobile phone is not working. The display on my Blackberry is alternating between solid white and multi-colors. I can't make calls, receive or send emails, etc. I can't even retrieve numbers.
Customer Service: Uh, sorry to hear that. Well, have you maybe dropped your phone recently?
LJ: No. The phone was sitting on the seat next to me while driving up Pacific Coast Highway and suddenly this problem began. My phone is my baby. I treat it exceptionally well.
Customer: Oh, so you use it for business?
LJ: Business? Are you kidding? I use this phone to manage my social life. This problem needs to be resolved quickly...

So after 72 hours of zero contact with my social network, the replacement Berry finally arrives . . .

Thursday, April 14, 2005

SURFING AND SALSA DANCING The word is we are paddling out tomorrow evening to enjoy the sunset out on the water. Then we are going salsa dancing. Yes, we salsa dance.
CULTURE OF VIOLENCE AND DEATH Several of my friends emailed about this kid taking a baseball bat to his buddy's head. Well, in a nation where millions supported a disgusting, unjustified war, is this really so surprising? Did the kid really need a reason to attack? Maybe he thought he was being threatened?

(Not to mention the popularity of the barbaric and primitive Ultimate Fighting Crap. Disclosure: LJ has a friend who went 18-2 in UFC matchups.)
TAXES So I waited until the last possible second to file my tax return. Because I'm cool like that, I'm cool like that. Speaking of taxes, over at the Neolibertarian circus, I posted a quick note that garnered a response:

"Indeed, Leviathan is with us, for better or worse. Libertarians should try to make it better, rather than worse."

Get a clue. You aren’t a libertarian.

Written By: Libertarian Jackass
So, given the real world choice between a more or less intrusive tax structure, you wouldn’t choose a less intrusive tax structure?

How libertarian is that?

Written By: Jon Henke

Listen: Given a real world choice between a more or less intrusive tax structure, although I'm not sure what "intrusive" refers to, I think I'd take the more "intrusive" structure. I'd certainly take the most complex and inefficient structure. Why would I want to support a movement to make it easier and more efficient for the criminal gang to steal my money?

The more loopholes, the more complexity, the more chances you have to pay less.

We have this thing here in California called Prop. 13. Ignorant rightwingers think its wonderful. It limits the ad valorem property tax to one percent of the assessed value. You know what? The criminals in charge of California found a zillion other ways to expropriate wealth. The tax system is not the issue.

If you aren't interested in ending government, I'm not interested in you as a libertarian.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

BRITNEY Against the advice of LJ, Britney chose to produce children. May God bless her offspring.
HATING THE RED SUX Normally I don't preach hate, but here's 86 reasons to hate those losers from Boston. (Courtesy of Maple, who is of course upset about this post.)
We have rock star friends. The other day we were sitting around with this group of LA-based musicians (apparently they are pretty famous, featured in recent issues of FHM or Rolling Stone. MTV cameras follow them around. I think they should all get real jobs.). We talked about their appearances on television and in magazines. LJ, as a former teen actor (I use the term loosely) himself, traded stories about auditions, shoots and the music videos in which he has appeared. I even put down a few stand-up comedy tracks in their in-home studio. I think I gave them some good pieces for use as filler tracks on the next album. We'll see.

Then, as most rock stars do, we headed out for an evening of VIP treatment on Sunset Blvd. I sort of feel like one of those guys from Entourage. The great thing about hanging out with famous musicians: the endless perks.

We don't pay admission. We don't wait in line. The bouncers don't check us (heck, the bouncers aren't even allowed to touch us because of our private security). We walk around the metal detectors.

As I walk to door of a popular Hollywood spot, a beautiful young lady, still stuck in line, grabs my arm. We then have words:

Lady: Hey there.
LJ: What's good, little mama?
Lady: Can we be in your party?
LJ: Why?
Lady: Well, we can't get in otherwise.
LJ: Oh, well, I don't know. I'm just the drummer.*
Lady: What?
LJ: I'm just the drummer in the band.
Lady: Oh my god, you guys are in a band! That explains the limo and the bodyguards!
LJ: Yeah, you'll have to ask the Lead Singer.
Lead Singer: [He looks at me like I'm out of my mind] Oh my . . . yes!
LJ: [With complete lack of interest] How many of your friends are with you?
Lady: Oh, just . . . eight.
LJ: Eight?? What are you, a women's soccer team?
Lady: Actually, we are the [Censored] University gymnatics team.
LJ: [Smiling] Oh great.

Now, you gotta understand something people: LJ strolls into this club wearing an all WHITE SUIT, hat down. We call it the P. Diddy suit. The DJ actually stops the music as we enter. LJ steps up to the mic, grabs it and speaks to the ignorant masses: "Now this is the part where we need everyone to get to the dancefloor . . . next round is on us."

The place goes nuts.

* Please note: LJ is not really the drummer, he just finds it fun to go around repeating this phrase.
HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOUOur friend Tim Swanson posts on the book over here and labels the Libertarian Jackass "the self-appointed resident relationship expert for the blogosphere."

Amen. LJ is a relationship expert and a romantic gentleman. For the benefit of the blogosphere, I wish we had more time to spend attacking the subject. I will say a one thing: Ladies, if you have to read a book to figure out if your man wants to be with you, he doesn't.

UPDATE: How to tell you've found the perfect girl: she tells you she is just so driven, goal-oriented, passionate, successful and hardworking, that she just doesn't have time for a relationship.
THE LIBERTARIAN JACKASS LUXURY BEACH VILLA? LJ's been busy over the last several days moving out of the LJ Compound and into the new Libertarian Jackass Beach Villa. That's right, I told my realtor I wanted to shop at the same Pavillions as Kobe Bryant and, boy, did she come through or what?

Sunday, April 10, 2005

MARK MCGRATH So I'm strolling through Pavillions yesterday (by the way, this grocery store has the greatest commercials), and a store clerk stops me in the aisle:

Hold on a second, sir. Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Mark McGrath?
LJ: [Laughing] Well, I used to get that three or four years ago when I had blond highlights.
Clerk: Wow, yeah. He lives here in Newport, you know. Can you sing at all?
LJ: No, I can't sing. I'm learning to play the piano though . . .
Clerk: That's too bad. If only you could sing you would be ridiculously rich and famous.
LJ: I guess I'll just have to settle for being ridiculously rich . . .
GANDHI If you've never seen Gandhi, I suggest checking it out. It's a wonderful film and Martin Sheen even manages to show up in several scenes. Message: Pacifism, or nonviolence, is entirely practical as a political strategy. Of course, I'm pretty sure it's a hagiography.
411 OPERATORS What's the deal with 411 operators? Do they get paid based on their average call length? It's almost impossible to strike up a conversation with one. Try it. I try every time I call 411. When they say, "City and State, please," try asking them where they are located. Try saying "hello, nice day out, huh?" They are almost completely unresponsive. I'm pretty sure most of them aren't outsourced, so the language barrier should not be a problem. This is the best I've done lately:

Operator: City and State, Please.
LJ: Newport Beach, Californiyay
Operator: "Which listing?"
LJ: Bare Tan. B-A-R-E Tan. I'm trying to call-in for my Mystic Tan appt.
Operator: [Bursts out laughing] Here's the number.

Friday, April 08, 2005

I SUPPOSE I'M THE ONLY PERSON finding this post hilarious? Aw, yes, government spending should be on stuff that lasts a long time. Nice and durable. Good idea.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

THE (JEB) BUSH DOCTRINE: Shoot first, ask questions later. Sort of like what happened in Iraq? We never did find those weapons.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

WEST WING One of my many female friends was just on West Wing. How very strange to witness.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

SANTA BARBARA So the weekend before last we decided to rent a Carrera, leave Malibu and drive 90 miles up the Coast to Santa Barbara to stay at a Bed and Breakfast. State Street, the main drag in the City, has plenty of restaurants and shops to keep you occupied for a day or so. We tried this place Epiphany (I had the lamb). There's also this great little Italian restaurant where you can sit right out on the sidewalk, but I forget the name. I went to Mass at the Mission on Easter Sunday. We were reminded of Renoir's philosophy on art (and life): "The pain passes, the beauty remains . . ."
HOUSING BUBBLE Christiana approaches one of LJ's favorite topics! Read the LA Times article she links to on "interest-only" mortgages, it's absolutely mindboggling ( "If you can fog a mirror, you can get a home loan," said mortgage analyst Ralph DeFranco.). You can get yourself into a house, as long as you can barely afford to make the interest payments!

I have several friends actually in on these deals. If you ask them to justify their decision, you'll get a respone like this: "Hey, I plan to sell the house for a profit before I actually have to start paying the principal."

Yeah, right. Basically, even if housing prices are flat over the next few years, the pain will be widespread.

You know, California is a great place to live. Just the other day I saw a billboard which read: "Bad credit? Who cares? We can get you a loan!"
TERROR DRILLS The U.S. government is practicing for a terror attack. Growing up in Southern California, I was constantly bombarded by the threat of the Big One. The giant earthquake, waiting to unleash its fury at anytime, that would end human civilization in California. (Still waiting on that one, by the way). Public schools would have Earthquake Drills. Basically, a bell would ring, you'd have to duck under your desk for a few minutes, then you'd be evacuated to the playground to sit around in a circle for a few hours, pretending your principal was checking the school for survivors. Sometimes they would go really big and choose random students to "act hurt" and hide in the classrooms just to make it difficult on our school's leaders.

As a kid, I found the whole idea absurd and I did not hesitate to mention this to friends and teachers.
WHY IS BLOGGING A CLUB reserved for white males? My best guess is that we just don't have the proper government regulations in place yet. These things take time.


Some people ask: "LJ, why would you want to live in Newport? You can't get around without taking private toll roads. Most of the communities are privately built, managed and gated off from the public. The women are all rich, blonde and so beautiful they border on unapproachable."

Short answer: What's not to love?

It was a gorgeous weekend here. It's definitely summertime in Cali already. (And, because of the "time change," if I actually leave the office before 7, we are paddling out.) Saturday, after my Mystic Tan appointment, I rolled out to get the manicure and pedicure with my little sister ("If there is no polish involved, a true gentleman occassionaly gets a manicure." -- John Bridges). Now, a lot has been written lately about so-called metrosexuals. In fact, I can't tell which group is worse: metrosexuals or the guys that read Maxim, Stuff and FHM. I'll be brief: adopting feminine activities and traits does not make you a gentleman. Reading Maxim won't help you become a better man. You probably won't even get the "rock hard abs" they seem to talk about in every issue.

And speaking of blonde and beautiful, LJ's stylist is a great example of a California girl. I'm not going to lie to you, I've had beautiful girlfriends (one in particular), but my stylist is just ridiculous in terms of the attention she attracts. Since I have no romantic connection, it's hilarious to watch the traffic accidents she creates just walking down the street. A police officer actually slammed on his brakes to get a better glimpse. Calling Cards Drug tests Alcohol tests
ORAL SEX Drudge is all worked up over teens having oral sex. I was informed the other day by a female friend that a lady simply does not engage in oral sex. I think she's absolutely right.

Monday, April 04, 2005

BRING 'EM OUT, BRING 'EM OUT We haven't completely abandoned this site. We haven't sold out. We're just busy on several other projects. A few other comments will follow shortly.
FRAUD SERVICES So my bank shut down my account the other day. I had to call in and verbally authorize a long series of transactions they found highly unusual. The lady on the phone actually laughed when I mentioned my love for clothes shopping.

And why are women's purses so expensive? My interest in them is only as gifts, not for my collection of accessories, of course. The Gucci one did set me back, I will admit.

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