THE ADVENTURES OF THE LIBERTARIAN JACKASS: "I'M JUST THE DRUMMER"
We have rock star friends. The other day we were sitting around with this group of LA-based musicians (apparently they are pretty famous, featured in recent issues of FHM or Rolling Stone. MTV cameras follow them around. I think they should all get real jobs.). We talked about their appearances on television and in magazines. LJ, as a former teen actor (I use the term loosely) himself, traded stories about auditions, shoots and the music videos in which he has appeared. I even put down a few stand-up comedy tracks in their in-home studio. I think I gave them some good pieces for use as filler tracks on the next album. We'll see.

Then, as most rock stars do, we headed out for an evening of VIP treatment on Sunset Blvd. I sort of feel like one of those guys from Entourage. The great thing about hanging out with famous musicians: the endless perks.

We don't pay admission. We don't wait in line. The bouncers don't check us (heck, the bouncers aren't even allowed to touch us because of our private security). We walk around the metal detectors.

As I walk to door of a popular Hollywood spot, a beautiful young lady, still stuck in line, grabs my arm. We then have words:

Lady: Hey there.
LJ: What's good, little mama?
Lady: Can we be in your party?
LJ: Why?
Lady: Well, we can't get in otherwise.
LJ: Oh, well, I don't know. I'm just the drummer.*
Lady: What?
LJ: I'm just the drummer in the band.
Lady: Oh my god, you guys are in a band! That explains the limo and the bodyguards!
LJ: Yeah, you'll have to ask the Lead Singer.
Lead Singer: [He looks at me like I'm out of my mind] Oh my . . . yes!
LJ: [With complete lack of interest] How many of your friends are with you?
Lady: Oh, just . . . eight.
LJ: Eight?? What are you, a women's soccer team?
Lady: Actually, we are the [Censored] University gymnatics team.
LJ: [Smiling] Oh great.

Now, you gotta understand something people: LJ strolls into this club wearing an all WHITE SUIT, hat down. We call it the P. Diddy suit. The DJ actually stops the music as we enter. LJ steps up to the mic, grabs it and speaks to the ignorant masses: "Now this is the part where we need everyone to get to the dancefloor . . . next round is on us."

The place goes nuts.

* Please note: LJ is not really the drummer, he just finds it fun to go around repeating this phrase.