I'M BOYCOTTING THE "PHANTOM" MOVIE just because it does not star Michael Crawford.

MEDIA BIAS Talk about media bias, all ESPN.com has pushed for the last few days is the Kobe vs. Shaq event set for Saturday afternoon on . . . . ABC.

RUSH LIMBAUGH AND CIGARS Limbaugh interviewed by Cigar Aficionado. Macanudos, then Ashtons and now "pre-Castro Montecristos." I like his attitude here: "I have always been interested in getting the best that I could afford, whatever it is."

I haven't listend to Limbaugh on a regular basis since I was about 12, but does he support sanctions against Cuba?

Another example of the best one can afford from Limbaugh's program recently: hardwood floors. (lumberliquidators.com)

LJ'S HOLIDAY TIPS How to tell if your man is pathetic: he gives you anything from Bath & BodyWorks for Christmas (any of that scented lotion, candles, bath accessory crap). This is the default gift for boring males. Or, for males that aren't that into you.

(Full disclaimer: As a junior in high school, I gave three different girls -- from three different high schools in my area-- the identical gift basket from Bath & Body Works. They all fell for a gift it took me less than two minutes to purchase.)

On the plus side, B&BW does have this Vitamin E eye cream (for the circles under your eyes) and facial luffa (for soft and gentle yet deep cleansing of your face) that I've found to be effective.

LEBRON JAMES After being called for the travel (twice), the guy claims: "Those are great moves, I don't care what anybody says. I've been doing those moves since I've been playing basketball. I thought they gave you an extra step in the NBA, even though I didn't take one."

SOME OF THE BEST STORIES, I can't even reveal in true detail in this space. They just sit in the "Draft" posts folder. The newest one, let's just say, has to do with a friend, the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department and the theft of a Louis Vuitton wallet -- by the Sheriff's officer, of course. The deputy pulled my friend over, threw him in the back of the cop car, yelled at him about how fun it is to be raped at the County jail, then left him at the curbside without his wallet. To live and die in LA, it's the place to be.

Really.

SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT THIS DAMN COUNTRY, but I think the U.S. is an embarassment. Just think about it, we locked up grandma because she didn't properly inform the Feds on how she wanted to use her own property. We gave her five months in prison. During Christmas. That's just sad.

At least now she's gone Anti-Prison on us. I love it.

LJ'S WILD, WACKY NEWS ROUND-UP A teen capped Santa with a pellet gun. So what? Who cares? In a country that prides itself on developing bigger and better bombs for which to blast Iraqis off the planet, can we really express outrage over teen pranksters?

The economy is "growing faster" now than it was a few months ago. Hm. If someone can explain how an "economy" grows, please email me.

The U.S. military is enforcing a curfew in Iraq. I think this is a good idea. After all, if you limit the number of hours one can roam around outside, surely you limit the amount of damage that can be created?

President Bush, also known to many as simply the "Greatest Man Who Ever Lived," determined for us all that Canadian drugs are too costly. Call me strange, but isn't this something individual consumers figure out for themselves? Maybe I'm wrong. It's happend before -- just ask my ex-girlfriend.

A private contractor is "pulling out" of Iraq. They cite high security costs as a major factor. I realize it's dangerous, but you'd think the U.S. military could provide adequate security. Why the need to augment protection with private services? As we know from our experience back in the civilized world, a single, monopoly producer of security is key to stability and order.

AM I READING THIS RIGHT? Turkey is going to regain a solid economic position by reducing the chronic 80-90 percent annual rate of inflation by . . . dropping six zeroes off the currency in January 2005?

Are they kidding? Economic policy and wealth creation made simple (courtesy of Turkey): "Just drop the zeroes, stupid."

YOUTH SMOKING, DRUG USE DOWN AGAIN Is this a "good" or a "bad"? I don't think we can say. What we can say, though, is that the Bush Administration really knows how to blow huge wads of cash.

TAKE A SECOND AND THINK ABOUT IT It's great to go to a place, have a big guy start talking all this mess in your ear, just before he realizes you have a much bigger, younger brother. That's just funny.

Anyone familiar with the theory of deterrence in international relations?

CONVERSATION WITH A LADY Part of a continuing series here at LJ on the complex yet beautiful female mind:

Lady: Thanks for the roses.
LJ: Oh, it was nothing really. Just spreadin' the Holiday cheer.
Lady: Yeah, but you singing that "Christmas Song" to the girl in the lobby was a bit much.
LJ: Uh, well sometimes I get carried away . . .
Lady: Wait, there's something different about you.
LJ: Well, I have been working out . . .
Lady: No, not that. Something else.
LJ: Oh, well I've been using Crest Vivid White . . .
Lady: No. Do you get your eyebrows plucked?
LJ: Doesn't every civilized male?

FLOWERS FOR THE LADIES I showed up at work today with roses for all the ladies in my office (you know how I do it). They LOVED it. It just so happens that I picked up six dozen, long-stemmed pink-white roses over the weekend, gave a bunch to my mother, older sister and younger sister and had a few left over for the other special ladies in my life.

CHRISTMAS CAROLING AND EGG NOG PARTY We are throwing a Christmas Caroling and Egg Nog party on Christmas Eve. Egg nog and valet parking will be provided. Bring your Christmas cheer and singing voices.

THE CHANGING, EVOLVING LIBERTARIAN JACKASS.COM As promised several weeks ago, we are at work revitalizing LJ.com for the new year. In fact, we have a photo shoot coming up for the headshots on the lead pages and in the photo gallery. It may be that the "blog" is just one part of the larger framework of the site. I thought I told you we won't stop?

BERNARD KERIK AND GUILIANI PARTNERS According to Rudy G's consulting firm website, Kerik recently served in Iraq! More here:

Mr. Kerik is a Senior Vice President at Giuliani Partners and is Chief Executive Officer of Giuliani-Kerik LLC, an affiliate of Giuliani Partners. Mr. Kerik most recently served as Iraq's interim Minister of Interior and as the Senior Policy Advisor to the U.S. Presidential Envoy to Iraq's Coalition Provisional Authority.

Mr. Kerik served as the 40th Police Commissioner of the City of New York. During his sixteen month tenure, Mr. Kerik's leadership resulted in dramatic reductions in crime through innovative and creative management. Mr. Kerik was also a principal member of the Mayor's cabinet overseeing the rescue, recovery and investigation of the World Trade Center attack on September 11, 2001. He also served as the First Deputy and Commissioner of the New York City Department of Correction.

Mr. Kerik began his professional career in the U.S. Army's Military Police Corps serving in Korea. Mr. Kerik was also assigned to the 18th Airborne Corps at Ft. Bragg, North Carolina, and he later spent nearly four years working on various security assignments in the Middle East. He went on to serve as the Commander of Special Weapons and Operations and Warden of the Passaic County Jail in New Jersey before launching a career with the NYPD.

Mr. Kerik holds a B.S. in Public Administration from Empire State College (SUNY). He presently serves as a member of the Academe and Policy Research Senior Advisory Committee for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security and the Criminal Justice Advisory Council of St. John's University in New York City.

What a guy! There is a real story here everyone seems to overlook: why the heck does Rudy G. have an investment banking firm?

I'M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS I will be having dinner with a few friends in Beverly Hills (probably at Dolce if you care to join us in celebrating the Holiday season) tomorrow evening and then we are headed off to Mammoth Mountain for a few days so LJ can build a massive snowman and hopefully get stranded inside next to the fire. I told them to reserve us the most romantic cabin (you know how we do it). If I don't return sometime next week . . . just wait longer.

By the way, is anyone interested in a little Christmas Eve caroling? You know, spontaneously walking from house to house, serenading the neighbors and spreading the Holiday cheer? I'll go it alone if I have to . . .

GET A CLUE, DREZNER It's all about the Blackberry. Best purchase I've ever made.
http://www.danieldrezner.com/archives/001797.html

INVADE CANADA In following the strange logic that says we need government in the first place, I feel the United States must invade Canada and impose taxation to support the missile defense shield. Canada's refusal to cough up the cash represents a situation where you pay for the national defense benefits which your neighbor enjoys at no cost.

In the name of collective action problems, we must invade now.

ADVENTURES OF THE LIBERTARIAN JACKASS: BEVERLY HILLS 90212 I rocked to a Christmas Party at the Beverly Wilshire this evening. Man, is it the season to be jolly, or what? Dinner was fantastic (especially the veal), I went with a cabernet (several glasses, as it turned out) and I even sampled a few treats off the dessert plate.

A friend also gave me a subscription the Wine Spectator as a Christmas gift. I hope you are all as excited about this as I am.

At the party (basically of bunch of asset management people), I spoke with a Russian fellow about his reasons for coming to America 27 years ago. He mentioned that many of his friends are now returning. Why? "Because there is a lot of freedom there. You don't have all the bullshit laws you have here in the U.S. A man is actually free to do what he wants."

Sources:
http://www.seeing-stars.com/Hotels/BeverlyWilshire.shtml
http://www.winespectator.com/Wine/Home/

I WALK AROUND THE OFFICE humming Christmas songs. When a client puts me on hold, I break into my favorite Christmas tune. I think people around the building are beginning to realize LJ is a little bit different than all the others.

FASCISTS' ISLAND In Newport Beach we have Fashion Island, the world's greatest shopping experience. Some of the less fortunate locals refer to the place as Fascists' Island. It's odd how people confuse high-class, wealthy folks with fascists. The parking lot looks as if you're touring a Mercedes Benz dealership.

I was so distracted by these I almost could not remember my original purpose for going to the Island: to finish my shopping. I feel bad for you ladies -- women's apparel (the good stuff, at least) is so pricey!

How fascinating is it that the iPod craze is driving demand for so many complementary goods?
http://everythingipod.com/

A MESSAGE FROM THE IRAQI RESISTANCE A video from the Islamofascists. (Found via Tex) Well, I certainly do not support their use of violence, but they make a few good points:

And to the American soldiers we say, you can also choose to fight tyranny with us. Lay down your weapons, and seek refuge in our mosques, churches and homes. We will protect you. And we will get you out of Iraq , as we have done with a few others before you.

Go back to your homes, families, and loved ones. This is not your war. Nor are you fighting for a true cause in Iraq .

And to George W. Bush, we say, "You have asked us to 'Bring it on', and so have we. Like never expected. Have you another challenge?"

Smooth, Georgie. Real smooth.

Seems like each side is fighting against tyranny, doesn't it?

Also, if you haven't consumed food recently, please see this photo album on Fallujah. Definitely a collector's item for that special warmonger in your life this holiday season.

LJ THE HUMANITARIAN A friend has signed me up to work at a homeless shelter during the night in the month of January. I'm pretty excited about the opportunity...

TOM PALMER'S TRAFFIC DIPS, so he metions LewRockwell.com again. Only kidding -- I don't know anything about his site traffic. His attacks do seem strange though. The defense of oppressive tyrannies? We'd like to separate ourselves from the LRCers by pointing out that LJ & Friends only support non-oppressive tyrannies. That's what freedom is all about, folks. Non-oppression.

WOMEN TO AVOID I can't take credit for this insight (hat tip to Davey P. for developing this tidbit), but I wanted to mention one major red flag when dealing with women: girls that say, "I have a lot of guy friends" or "I hang out with guys more than girls" or "I don't really get along with other girls."

Girls only have "a lot of guy friends" when other females don't want to put up with them. This tells you a lot about her in one sentence. Guys, on the other hand, typically have a rather low standard for having girls around -- for reasons that should be obvious to those of you with a brain stem.

Further, ladies don't spend their time with guys. A lady sets a standard for men that get to have a moment of her time.

I FEEL BAD FOR THE WOMEN OF THE WORLD

How dare Usher make reference to Jodeci? And what about the line, "Take this shot of Petron and it's on"? Wow. That's just really sad, man.

MORE FROM OCEAN'S 12 I already warned you not to waste your cash on this massive terd, but there are two funny lines I remember. One, they keep going on and on about the "greatest thief in the history of the world." Obviously the greatest thief in the history of the world is modern government. The greatest thief steals half your income away while at the same time convincing you he takes nothing and gives everything.

Also, Matt Damon (a pathetic actor, yes) has the best line of the film. Basically, you have the 11 original independent contractors in the room insulting their potential target and Damon interrupts to say: "I don't think we want to be the kind of organization that judges people."

Hilarious.

HOW TO TELL IF THERE IS A HOUSING BUBBLE, CONT'D People go to great trouble to set up websites like, "CountryWideHomeLoanSucks.com".

SCOTT PETERSON GETS DEATH, Pinochet is still living. In a mansion. On house arrest. Agents of the "United States government" are murdering innocent civilians around the globe, so why do Americans have such a heightened interest in this Peterson monster? Killing is only bad if it's someone you know?

UPDATE: Question lofted to LJ: "Should Scott Peterson's life be saved?" Answer: Of course.