LJ'S WILD, WACKY NEWS ROUND-UP A teen capped Santa with a pellet gun. So what? Who cares? In a country that prides itself on developing bigger and better bombs for which to blast Iraqis off the planet, can we really express outrage over teen pranksters?

The economy is "growing faster" now than it was a few months ago. Hm. If someone can explain how an "economy" grows, please email me.

The U.S. military is enforcing a curfew in Iraq. I think this is a good idea. After all, if you limit the number of hours one can roam around outside, surely you limit the amount of damage that can be created?

President Bush, also known to many as simply the "Greatest Man Who Ever Lived," determined for us all that Canadian drugs are too costly. Call me strange, but isn't this something individual consumers figure out for themselves? Maybe I'm wrong. It's happend before -- just ask my ex-girlfriend.

A private contractor is "pulling out" of Iraq. They cite high security costs as a major factor. I realize it's dangerous, but you'd think the U.S. military could provide adequate security. Why the need to augment protection with private services? As we know from our experience back in the civilized world, a single, monopoly producer of security is key to stability and order.