SOME OF THE BEST STORIES, I can't even reveal in true detail in this space. They just sit in the "Draft" posts folder. The newest one, let's just say, has to do with a friend, the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department and the theft of a Louis Vuitton wallet -- by the Sheriff's officer, of course. The deputy pulled my friend over, threw him in the back of the cop car, yelled at him about how fun it is to be raped at the County jail, then left him at the curbside without his wallet. To live and die in LA, it's the place to be.

Really.