"WE USED TO USE UMBRELLAS TO FIGHT THE BAD WEATHER, now we travel first-class to change the forecast." Just got off a flight. I was in a wedding over the weekend. Spectular moment. Beautiful ceremony -- I took notes in preparation for my own wedding. And I've never seen two people more ready to get married.

I flew out last week at 6:50am. Arrived at the airport at 6:20am or so. Long story. Accompanied by a lady friend, I boarded the plane and told her I wanted to apologize to the rest of the passengers for delaying take-off.

Lady: "J, just sit down. They don't want to hear it from you.
J: "I'm just going to apologize for the situation . . . "
Lady: "Gawd, here we go."
J: [Stepping out of the first-class cabin into the main cabin]: "Ladies and gentleman, I just want to apologize for being late and holding up departure. The little lady left her flat-iron at the house and we had to go back for it! It wasn't my fault, I assure you. Irish Coffees are on me in San Francisco!
Lady: [Head hidden by her hands] "You've got to be kidding me . . . "